Ever since I was a little girl, I had a big need to belong.
I grew up with an emotionally absent Dad and a very busy Mom who was just trying to keep things afloat. God bless them both. They were doing the best they could and, like every parent on this planet, they had their own personal history to figure out.
I fantasized about belonging to my friends’ families because they seemed so normal. They went to church. They went to parent-teacher meetings. They seemed to have it all together.
I quickly adopted my boyfriends’ families because they were just so much more fun to hang out with.
But I soon learned that every family has their own share of skeletons in their closets. Who knew that dysfunction also existed in their homes too?
The truth is that, regardless of family dynamics, we all have an inherent need to belong to our family or biological tribe. We all have unique needs that we want to be met. Some of us seek compassion while others crave support. Some need discipline while some need their freedom.
And here’s another truth…
No one gets exactly what they need from their family unit.
WHY? Because our parents and siblings aren’t mind readers! Who knew?
It is human nature to need and crave unconditional love. And the first place we look for it is in our homes. But families are often complicated. They are made up of parents and siblings all just trying to survive, each with their own agenda, each having a very different history and perspectives of their life experiences.
Have you ever noticed how your sibling’s version of growing up is so incredibly different from your own version? Oh my. Don’t get me started!
Difficult family dynamics can often cause us to flee from the drama, leaving us to find other sources of unconditional love. And that, my friends, is completely normal!
So here’s the thing… maybe you didn’t get what you needed from your family because:
- You didn’t yet have enough life experience to know what you needed as a child.
- You had needs that just weren’t able to be filled because maybe there were financial limitations in your home. Maybe that’s why I never got a pony.
- Maybe you didn’t have the courage to speak up for what you needed.
- Maybe you didn’t feel worthy of asking for what you needed. Side note: Who gets to choose how worthy you are? YOU do.
- Maybe you were afraid of asking for more than your share.
- Maybe your parents were emotionally broken and unable to offer the support you needed.
And the list goes on and on.
Here’s the good news…
Beyond our family of origin… we have a Light Family.
Just because you didn’t get what you needed as a child doesn’t mean you can’t have your needs met as an adult. Having your needs met is now YOUR responsibility. It always was your responsibility but, like all kids, you were too busy believing the universe revolved around you and that it was everyone else’s responsibility to ensure you were happy. (And some very unhappy adults still believe this to be true.)
I have discovered that, rather than wallowing in the shortcomings of my family, I look for opportunities to show gratitude for the shortcomings.
My Dad was emotionally absent. Ok. So… through his absence, I learned how to be empathetic to HIS story and to see that he too had a less-than-perfect family history. Shocker! Empathy is hugely important to the work I do now. Thanks to Dad for being emotionally absent. 🙂
Atypical families come together to learn lessons from one another and many of those lessons are TOUGH! But when we can explore the gifts we received from the challenges, we can choose to no longer be victims of the experiences.
If someone calls you anything less than perfect, maybe you need to forgive yourself for believing it. Trust me. Forgiving YOURSELF is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
So where can you find your Light Family?
Author Alana Fairchild “Lightworker Oracle” writes…
“Although you were not meant to belong in a traditional way to your family of origin, you shall not be denied the love you need. You are here to help build a human family joined by more than blood or legal union. It will not just be you loving the world, but the world loving you. The power of your heart to give and receive love shall not be wasted.”
Everyone needs their tribe.
Everyone has a need to belong. If you can’t find a tribe… start one!
I did! I created the Clarity Seekers Community because I wanted to support, and be supported by, a like-minded group of seekers.
When we adopt a new soul family or tribe, we aren’t denying our family of origin. We are simply giving ourselves permission to be supported by a loving group that may not be blood-related.
Family comes in many forms. Not every family ends like an episode of Ozzie & Harriet. (Man, am I dating myself now!)
We aren’t meant to have all of our needs met by our families. We are intended to grow beyond the parameters of our first family unit in search of who and what will help to satisfy our needs.
NO ONE CAN KNOW WHAT YOU NEED NOR SATISFY YOUR NEEDS.
It’s up to you to reach out for what you need. Happiness is a choice.
Now go put on your big-girl or big-boy panties and get on with it!